Where The Problem Begins
Without a foundation self knowledge, standards, and boundaries, you can’t get your needs met. Living for others typically causes an increase in anxiety and depressed feelings.
These symptoms are often misdiagnosed as mental illness when it’s a normal reaction to the environment you are in and feelings you are having.
Feeling you have a mental illness on top of everything else just adds more pressure (which results in MORE anxiety and depression). Many people come to me confused as to why they feel the way they do.
Having an outside perspective helps me sort and see potential issues causing you feelings of discomfort.
When we sit down and look at it, it is usually the same issues causing the problem:
- The client lacks communication skills. Whether it be fear of communicating from past experiences, not communicating because it feels uncomfortable, or you haven’t learned how, this really puts a crimp on people being able to give you what you want or need. If the people in your life are healthy, they want to give you what you need.
I will help you develop healthier communication by teaching you how to communicate your feelings and have you only take responsibility for the things you can actually control. I often use role play to help my clients “practice” having difficult conversations.
- The client has no boundaries. If you don’t have boundaries with others you probably feel stepped on and unimportant. Anything goes if you put enough pressure on, or if you threaten the right things, because it causes you to break and give in. This just encourages more bad behaviors and over time you feel angry and out of control.
You don’t have control of your life if you cant say no or tell someone your limits. I will help you develop boundaries with others and learn what you own which is: what you say, what you do, and how you react.
- The client has little to no standards. Have you ever walked into a fine restaurant, a library, or a police department and started making a scene? Probably not. There are social norms that dictate our behavior. You have developed “norms” for treatment of you too. Why should anyone treat you better than you ask them to?
I will help you develop standards so you are protected from people that would take advantage of all the great resources you have to offer. I will help you set a “bar” for behaviors to keep your social support system safe and supportive. and teach you to rely on people that are consistently there and perform for you when needed.
- The client wants things from others that they don’t have or are unwilling to give. People have traits, skills and characteristics and the combinations of these things is what makes us all unique. Sometimes a trait or skill you want (“I want someone that supports me”) isn’t something present in the person you want it from.
I can help you “map” your support system to find who does what and how well. I will teach you to ask for things the people around you actually have and rely on people that are consistently there and perform for you when needed. Despite fears that no one cares, my clients are often surprised to find they have supportive people present and available to help! They had just been trying to get it elsewhere.
- The clients negative thoughts and/or worries are ruling their perception causing feelings of discomfort or fear. The story you tell yourself matters because it paints your world or perception! Using evidence to prove or disprove negative beliefs will help you problem solve the things you really need to worry about instead of worrying about things that aren’t even happening.
I can help you sort your worries and thoughts and teach you how to sort them on your own using evidence instead of letting your feelings and negative thoughts dampen your day to day living.
- The client doesn’t recognize abuse. Some of my clients are in abusive situations and they don’t even know it! Abuse is not subjective. There are specific behaviors that you will see in an unhealthy or abusive relationship.
I can teach you what abuse and abusive communications look like. Once you can spot abuse, you are able to avoid it.
If any of this sounds appealing to you, consider becoming a client.