Where i begin
Without a foundation self knowledge, standards, and boundaries, you can’t get your needs met. For most, living without this foundation typically causes an increase in anxiety and depressed feelings. These symptoms are often misdiagnosed as mental illness when its a normal reaction to the environment one is in and the thoughts and feelings one is having.
Feeling like you have a mental illness on top of everything else, and fighting what is a normal response/feeling just adds more pressure which results in MORE anxiety and depression. Many people come to me feeling confused or guilty as to why they are feeling the way they do.
Having an outside perspective helps me “sort” and then “see” potential issues causing you feelings of discomfort.
The Origin of Problems & HOW I can help you
In my experience, it is usually the same issues causing my clients problems:
The client lacks communication skills. Whether it be fear of communicating from past experiences, not communicating because it feels uncomfortable, or because you haven’t learned how, not saying what you need or feel doesn’t allow the people around you to give you what you want or need. If the people in your life are healthy, they want to give you what you need and hear what you have to think.
I can help you develop healthier communication by teaching you how to communicate your feelings and occupy space within your relationships.
I use your morals, values, and experiences to help you occupy this space. Knowing who you are, and what you think about things makes it easier to communicate your thoughts and needs. I will teach you about the various forms of communication, offer you tips and tricks, and use role play to help practice difficult conversations.
The client has no boundaries. You don’t have control of your life if you can’t say no or tell someone your limits. If a person learns that all is takes is applying some pressure, or acting out physically or behaviorally to get you to shut up or swallow your feelings and/or needs, they will continue doing what works. This just encourages more bad behaviors. Over time you will feel angry and out of control.
I will help you develop boundaries with others and encourage you to own only control the things you can which is: what you say, what you do, and how you react. Using this filter we will work on things you can change and control, and ignore the things that you can’t. This helps reduce the sense of helplessness you feel trying to manage the thoughts, feelings, and actions of others.
The client has little to no standards. Have you ever walked into a fine restaurant, a library, or a police department and started making a scene? Probably not. There are social norms that dictate our behavior. You have developed “norms” for treatment of you too. Why should anyone treat you better than you ask them to?
I will help you develop standards so you are protected from people that would take advantage of all the great resources you have to offer. I will help you set a “bar” or standard for others so that you can recognize whether or not you are in a healthy relationship.
My goal is to help you keep your social support system safe and supportive. I help you rely on people that are consistently there and perform for you when needed.
The client wants things from others that they don’t have or are unwilling to give. Jennifer Aniston once said Brad Pitt was “missing a sensitivity chip.” People have traits, skills and characteristics and the combinations of these things is what makes us all unique. Sometimes a trait or skill you want (“I want someone that supports me”) isn’t something present in the person you want it from.
In other words, they lack the chip. It’s not personal, its just not in their working parts.
Despite fears that no one cares, my clients are often surprised to find they have supportive people present and available to help, they have just been asking a person that doesn’t have it to give.
The clients negative thoughts and/or worries are ruling their perception causing feelings of discomfort or fear. The story you tell yourself matters because it paints your world or perception. Using evidence to prove or disprove negative beliefs will help you problem solve the things you really need to worry about instead of worrying about things that aren’t even happening.
I can help you sort your worries and thoughts using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Techniques and teach you how to sort them on your own using evidence instead of letting your feelings and negative thoughts dampen your day to day living. I will teach you techniques and have developed a set of tools to help you manage your worry and reactivity.
The client doesn’t recognize abuse. Some of my clients are in abusive situations and they don’t even know it! Abuse is not subjective. There are specific behaviors that you will see in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. Having a set of standards and maintaining your boundaries can limit the possibility of finding yourself in unhealthy relationships with others.
I can teach you what abuse and abusive communications look like. I have developed a standard for use to use to make sure your relationship is healthy. Once you can spot abuse, you are able to avoid it.
Learn more about abusive relationships dynamics.
Learn more about healthy relationship dynamics.
If any of this sounds appealing to you, consider becoming a client.